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May 21 08 3:42 PM

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har subah
tumhaari sureeli aawaaz se jagna..
aur saare din
ek ek lafz ko
kaanon mein yun chhupa ke rakhna
ke jaise aathwan sur ho koi...

aur narm narm
halke se
kuchh lafz woh hain
jo utar jaate hain dil mein
gudgudi sa karte hue saare din..
aur honthon pe mere
muskuraate rahte hain


aur bheega bheega
chhalka sa
ek lafz woh bhi
jo chhu jaaye dard jab
aankhon mein utar aata hai
lab nahin hilte magar
aankhon se ada ho jata hai...

tumhaari aawaaz ke
rang hain kitne...
saare din
mujhe kitne hi rangon mein
rang jaate hain
ek utarta nahin
aur kitne hi rangne ko
chupke se chale aate hain!!

[B]yunhi nahin darwaza khula rakhte hain
ghar mein roshni ko dhoop bhi chaiye

tum bhi to aajkal aati nahin ho!!

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#1 [url]

May 21 08 3:51 PM

wow good
free writings mast cheej hain

in the last line u can make a changege

aur kitne hi rangne ko
chupke se chale aate hain!!...change it to Bula laate hain...or jaga late hain
asif the colours were sleeping and the voice evocked !!

anyways good lines mate !!

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#4 [url]

May 22 08 9:25 AM

tumhaari aawaaz ke
rang hain kitne...
saare din
mujhe kitne hi rangon mein
rang jaate hain
ek utarta nahin
aur kitne hi rangne ko
chupke se chale aate hain!!


Hmmmmmmm.... Piyush Ji... Lajawaab.... Beautifull...

ವಂದೇ ಮಾತರಂ...

ಜನನೀ ಜನ್ಮಭೂಮಿಶ್ಚ ಸ್ವರ್ಗಾದಪಿ ಗರೀಯಸಿ...

http://mrkotians.blogspot.com

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#5 [url]

May 22 08 10:32 AM

QUOTE (piyushkmishra @ May 21, 2008 03:42 pm)
har subah
tumhaari sureeli aawaaz se jagna..
aur saare din
ek ek lafz ko
kaanon mein yun chhupa ke rakhna
ke jaise aathwan sur ho koi...

aur narm narm
halke se
kuchh lafz woh hain
jo utar jaate hain dil mein
gudgudi sa karte hue saare din..
aur honthon pe mere
muskuraate rahte hain


aur bheega bheega
chhalka sa
ek lafz woh bhi
jo chhu jaaye dard jab
aankhon mein utar aata hai
lab nahin hilte magar
aankhon se ada ho jata hai...

tumhaari aawaaz ke
rang hain kitne...
saare din
mujhe kitne hi rangon mein
rang jaate hain
ek utarta nahin
aur kitne hi rangne ko
chupke se chale aate hain!!

namaste Piyush saHeb!!
aik achchhee nas'r pe daad!! bas aik jagah aap wajaahat likh de to meh'rbaanee hogee!!
aapne :aaThwaaN sur: kaa istemaal kiyaa hai! jahaaN tak mujhe ilm hai, :aaThwaaN sur: lateefe aur majhaahiyaN taur par yaa kisee kee aawaaz kaa mazaak uRaane ke liye istemaal kiyaa jaataa hai!! aapkee nas'r aik rumaanee kaavish hai. ismeiN is alfaaz ke istemaal kee gunjaaish naheeN hai!!
maiN ghalat bhee ho sakta huN! agar aap astijaa ke kalaamoN se aisee koee misaal likh de to meh'rbaanee hogee!!

khairandesh!!

Dheer

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#6 [url]

May 22 08 10:35 AM

bilkul.mujhe nahin maaloom ki aisa kisi ka mazak udane ke liye prayog kiya jata hai.aathwaan sur merio nnazar mein wo sur hai jo saare suron se oopar ki chez hai.waise bahut pahle Naushad saab ke kalaam isi naam se aaye the

[B]yunhi nahin darwaza khula rakhte hain
ghar mein roshni ko dhoop bhi chaiye

tum bhi to aajkal aati nahin ho!!

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#7 [url]

May 22 08 10:39 AM

QUOTE (piyushkmishra @ May 22, 2008 10:35 am)
bilkul.mujhe nahin maaloom ki aisa kisi ka mazak udane ke liye prayog kiya jata hai.aathwaan sur merio nnazar mein wo sur hai jo saare suron se oopar ki chez hai.waise bahut pahle Naushad saab ke kalaam isi naam se aaye the

agar aap misaal ke taur pe kuchh likh de is kam-bakht ke ilm meiN bhee izaafaa ho!! misaal yaane kisee mausuf shaayar ke kalaam meiN is alfaaz ko sanjeedaa taur pe istemaal kiyaa gayaa ho!!magar meraa abhee bhee waheeN sochnaa hai ke is muhaavre kaa istemaal majhahiyaa taur pe hotaa hai!! shayad phir meree soch badal jaye!!

dheer

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#8 [url]

May 22 08 10:58 AM

kavya me aisa avashyak nahi ki upma ya roopak poorv kaviyon ya kavitaon ke anuroop ho
roopal ka prayog chamatkar poorna naveen tatparya hetu kiya jaata hai
astu isme naveenta ka bodh nihit hai
jab ham kehte hain"upama Kalidasasya" tab ham is baat ki prashansa ya anushansa nahi karte ki Kalidas ne poorv-vidh kaviyon kii bhaanti upama ka prayog kiya hai.
yahaan tatparya hai ki unhone kisi naveen upman -upmeya ka prayog kiya hai jo ab tak drishtigochar nahi hua hai

jab ham ashtam swar ki baat karte hain to yahaan ek naveen prayog ki chesta hai. Ham saptak jaante hain aur uske swaro se kai raag-raginiyon ka udbhav hota hai ye baat bhi agyaat nahi hai

magar jab ham ashtam swar ki baat kehte hain to ingit ye hai ki aisa swar jo pehle kabhi suna na ho, jo alag ho evam jo sampoorna jagat ko gyat na ho.ek aisa sanket jise keval do sahriday samajh paayen aur us aboojh swar me unke prem ka swaroop samajh aa sake

is shabd ko nissandeh uphaas hetu bhi prayog kiya jaa sakta hai
parantu kisi rachana me prayukt shabd ka marma keval uski abhidha shakti se nahi pehchaana jaa sakta
isiliye vyakhya hetu prasang ko janna bahut avashyak hai.prasangvashatah shabd ki lakshana shakti prakat hoti hai, jahaan wo shabd apne abhidhan arth ko tyaag kisi naveen arth ki or ingit karta hai
yahaan kuch aisa hi prayog hai.

aur jaisa maine pahle likha ki AATHWAN SUR naamak ek kalaam prasidhh sangeetkaar Naushad saab ka aa chuka hai..nishchit roop se Naushad saab jaise sangeetkaar is baat ko samjhte honge aur swayam par vyangya karne ke liye aisa kalaam pesh nahin karenge

[B]yunhi nahin darwaza khula rakhte hain
ghar mein roshni ko dhoop bhi chaiye

tum bhi to aajkal aati nahin ho!!

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#9 [url]

May 22 08 11:04 AM

ye batana bhool gaya tha-
Kishori Amonkar ji ne M S Subbalakshmi ji ko aathvan sur kaha tha
ab aisa sochna bahut hi gaalt hoga ki woh Swar-samragyi par kataksh kar rahi hongi
unke kehne ka arth tha ki unka swar itna divya itna shuddha hai ki woh aam saptak ki paridhi se bahut brihat hai
isiliye aathvan sur
shabd ki ek aur shakti hoti hai..aarsh prayog
jab koi gunvaan vyakti kisi shabd ka prayog kisi vishesh arth me karte hon, to unke gun se aur tej se us shabd ka wah arth bhi siddh ho jaata hai kyonki kaha gaya hai "tejiyasaam na doshaih"
is uddharan se ye samyak roop se siddh hota hai ki "aathvan sur" shabd ka prashansa ke roop me aarsh prayog prachalit hai

[B]yunhi nahin darwaza khula rakhte hain
ghar mein roshni ko dhoop bhi chaiye

tum bhi to aajkal aati nahin ho!!

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#10 [url]

May 22 08 11:09 AM

QUOTE (piyushkmishra @ May 22, 2008 10:58 am)
kavya me aisa avashyak nahi ki upma ya roopak poorv kaviyon ya kavitaon ke anuroop ho
roopal ka prayog chamatkar poorna naveen tatparya hetu kiya jaata hai
astu isme naveenta ka bodh nihit hai
jab ham kehte hain"upama Kalidasasya" tab ham is baat ki prashansa ya anushansa nahi karte ki Kalidas ne poorv-vidh kaviyon kii bhaanti upama ka prayog kiya hai.
yahaan tatparya hai ki unhone kisi naveen upman -upmeya ka prayog kiya hai jo ab tak drishtigochar nahi hua hai

jab ham ashtam swar ki baat karte hain to yahaan ek naveen prayog ki chesta hai. Ham saptak jaante hain aur uske swaro se kai raag-raginiyon ka udbhav hota hai ye baat bhi agyaat nahi hai

magar jab ham ashtam swar ki baat kehte hain to ingit ye hai ki aisa swar jo pehle kabhi suna na ho, jo alag ho evam jo sampoorna jagat ko gyat na ho.ek aisa sanket jise keval do sahriday samajh paayen aur us aboojh swar me unke prem ka swaroop samajh aa sake

is shabd ko nissandeh uphaas hetu bhi prayog kiya jaa sakta hai
parantu kisi rachana me prayukt shabd ka marma keval uski abhidha shakti se nahi pehchaana jaa sakta
isiliye vyakhya hetu prasang ko janna bahut avashyak hai.prasangvashatah shabd ki lakshana shakti prakat hoti hai, jahaan wo shabd apne abhidhan arth ko tyaag kisi naveen arth ki or ingit karta hai
yahaan kuch aisa hi prayog hai.

aur jaisa maine pahle likha ki AATHWAN SUR naamak ek kalaam prasidhh sangeetkaar Naushad saab ka aa chuka hai..nishchit roop se Naushad saab jaise sangeetkaar is baat ko samjhte honge aur swayam par vyangya karne ke liye aisa kalaam pesh nahin karenge

mit'r !!
aapkee baat aik dam durust hai keh aisa zaruree naheeN keh upmaa kaa istemaal jaise kisee aur ne kiyaa waise sabhee kareN. magar maiN :sub'h kaa bhoolaa shaam ko ghar aayaa: muhaavre kaa istemaal kisee aur tarah se karuN to ghalat hai!! kam se kam meree nazroN meiN!!

aur maine yeh naheeN kahaaN keh maiN sahee huN, meree guzaarish thee keh aap aisee koee misaal de de to mere ilm mere izaafaa hogaa!! tabaadalaa e khayaal se kisee nah kisee kaa faaydaa hameshaa hotaa hai. chaahe woh meiN huN yah aap. aur jaisaa keh aap bataa rahe hai keh kaee jagah aaThwe sur ko dusre tarike se bhee prayog kiya gayaa hai , to aap sahe hai!! muaa'fee chaahtaa huN!!!

khair aap jaise likhte hai likhe... meree duaa'eN aapke saath hai.all'ah kare zor e kalaam aur!!
meree kisee baat kaa buraa nah maaniyegaa!! raa'i tanqeed ke liye naheeN bal'k aik achchhe maqsad se dee jaatee hai!!


khush raheN!

Dheer

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#11 [url]

May 22 08 11:18 AM

maine to kisi baat ka bura nahin maana...magar aapki baaton se lagta hai ap hamare jawab se santusht nahin hue...
waise maine aathwan sur ke kuchh udaharan diye hain.bade bade sangeetkaaron ne prayog kiya hai...wo galat to nahin?

[B]yunhi nahin darwaza khula rakhte hain
ghar mein roshni ko dhoop bhi chaiye

tum bhi to aajkal aati nahin ho!!

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