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Aug 8 07 11:11 PM

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choriye bhi yeh piyaar ki batain
rasme-wafa dost yaar ki batain

yaha nahi rehta koi sada kisi ka
kyon karte ho ikhtiyaar ki batain

beetaygi umar na mileygi manzil
sooch le jitni bhi diyaar ki batain

khookli duniya ruswaayi se bhari
na dhoond ismei mayaar ki batain

hote hain mast nazaroon se ghayal
naa karna kisi se hatyaar ki batain

kab tuk wafa ka bharam bharayga
nahi sunta koi dukhyaar ki batain

taajub hoga tujh per Amaan ko gar
ab bhi kare tu visl-e-yaar ki batain

Sometimes I cut myself to see how much I bleed and how much it hurts!!!!

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#1 [url]

Aug 8 07 11:46 PM

QUOTE (Amaan @ August 08, 2007 11:11 pm)
choriye bhi yeh piyaar ki batain
rasme-wafa dost yaar ki batain

yaha nahi rehta koi sada kisi ka
kyon karte ho ikhtiyaar ki batain

beetaygi umar na mileygi manzil
sooch le jitni bhi diyaar ki batain

khookli duniya ruswaayi se bhari
na dhoond ismei mayaar ki batain

hote hain mast nazaroon se ghayal
naa karna kisi se hatyaar ki batain

kab tuk wafa ka bharam bharayga
nahi sunta koi dukhyaar ki batain

taajub hoga tujh per Amaan ko gar
ab bhi kare tu visl-e-yaar ki batain

don't talk of love
no one is faithful
trust no one
never will you
get what you want

the world is all worhtless, all hot gas
where will you find love here?
no one listens to sorrows here
I'll be surprised if you still
look for love here.



is this what you are trying to tell in your poem, Amaan?

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#2 [url]

Aug 9 07 12:19 AM

bahut khoob koshish hai 'amaan' ji
behr ke lihaaz se is men kuch tarameem suggest kar rahaa hoon;hatyaar and dukhyaar ,go men ne kheench taan kar use kar liyaa hai;behtar hoga ki in ki jagah koii rawaan lafz aaye.

---------------
behr:2122-1212-22
yeh dhuaaN saa kahaaN se uththa hai
dil jalaane ki baat karte ho[noor jahaan]
mennu tera shabaa lai baitha[shiv-panjabi]
aaye kuch abr kuch sharaab aaye[faiz]
etc.

----------

chhoriye bhi yeh pyaar ki baatain[2122-1212-22]
rasm kii ,dost yaar ki baatain

nahi rehta kisi ka koi sada
karte ho ikhtiyaar ki baatain

umr beete na mileygi manzil
soch kitni dayaar ki batain

khaali , ruswaayi se bhari dunyaa
kahaaN ismeiN mayaar ki batain

hote hain mast nazroN se ghaayal
karo ab na hatayaar ki batain

wafa kaa kab talak bharayga bharam[viase bharam paalanaa aana chaahiye]
sunta kaun dukhiyaar ki batain

hoga ta'ajub 'amaan' ko tujh pe
jo karo wasl-e-yaar ki baaten

dil ki sabh ranj-o-alam jabr-o-zarar bhool gayaa
us pe yeh bhool yeh sochaa ki tujhe bhool gayaa

sach hai dil jaanata to hai,tu mujhe bhool gayaa
thii nahii.n bhoolne ki baat magar bhool gayaa

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#4 [url]

Aug 9 07 11:37 AM

QUOTE (chamann @ August 09, 2007 12:19 am)
bahut khoob koshish hai 'amaan' ji
behr ke lihaaz se is men kuch tarameem suggest kar rahaa hoon;hatyaar and dukhyaar ,go men ne kheench taan kar use kar liyaa hai;behtar hoga ki in ki jagah koii rawaan lafz aaye.

---------------
behr:2122-1212-22
yeh dhuaaN saa kahaaN se uththa hai
dil jalaane ki baat karte ho[noor jahaan]
mennu tera shabaa lai baitha[shiv-panjabi]
aaye kuch abr kuch sharaab aaye[faiz]
etc.

----------

chhoriye bhi yeh pyaar ki baatain[2122-1212-22]
rasm kii ,dost yaar ki baatain

nahi rehta kisi ka koi sada
karte ho ikhtiyaar ki baatain

umr beete na mileygi manzil
soch kitni dayaar ki batain

khaali , ruswaayi se bhari dunyaa
kahaaN ismeiN mayaar ki batain

hote hain mast nazroN se ghaayal
karo ab na hatayaar ki batain

wafa kaa kab talak bharayga bharam[viase bharam paalanaa aana chaahiye]
sunta kaun dukhiyaar ki batain

hoga ta'ajub 'amaan' ko tujh pe
jo karo wasl-e-yaar ki baaten

Salam mohatarram Chamann ji,

pehlay tu maiN aapka behud shukarguzaar hooN k aap ne itni mohabbat aur apnay qeemti waqt se navaaza mujhe aur durastagi kari beher k hawalay se, bohat bohat shukariya aapka

ji hatiyaar lafz mujhe bhi ravaaN nahi laga tha per khiyaal k pesh e nazr koi aur munasib lafz soojha nahi, aur rahi baat beher ki tu ji main beher ki bareekiyooN aur uski samjh se nasamjh hooN, itna janta nahi uskay baray meiN is liye usmeiN likh bhi nahi paata, koshish rahi thi usay seekhnay ki jismeiN Mohatarram Gul Dehlvi sahab ne kafi madad kari thi meri, per uskay baad mujhe kuch waqt k liye bilkul hi qataA karna para shayri se, waqt ki kami k bayez. phir dobara se usay seekhnay k silsalay ko shuru nahi kar paaya maiN

aap ne jo tarameem ki haiN aur jis dhang se meri tehreer ko laikar aaye beher meiN usay parh ker behud maza aaya aur jo dilkashi beher meiN aanay k baad hoti hay woh nazar aayi

bohat shukariya aapka

Allah hafiz
Amaan

Sometimes I cut myself to see how much I bleed and how much it hurts!!!!

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#6 [url]

Aug 9 07 8:32 PM

QUOTE (Ravi Kopra @ August 08, 2007 11:46 pm)
QUOTE (Amaan @ August 08, 2007 11:11 pm)
choriye bhi yeh piyaar ki batain
rasme-wafa dost yaar ki batain

yaha nahi rehta koi sada kisi ka
kyon karte ho ikhtiyaar ki batain

beetaygi umar na mileygi manzil
sooch le jitni bhi diyaar ki batain

khookli duniya ruswaayi se bhari
na dhoond ismei mayaar ki batain

hote hain mast nazaroon se ghayal
naa karna kisi se hatyaar ki batain

kab tuk wafa ka bharam bharayga
nahi sunta koi dukhyaar ki batain

taajub hoga tujh per Amaan ko gar
ab bhi kare tu visl-e-yaar ki batain

don't talk of love
no one is faithful
trust no one
never will you
get what you want

the world is all worhtless, all hot gas
where will you find love here?
no one listens to sorrows here
I'll be surprised if you still
look for love here.



is this what you are trying to tell in your poem, Amaan?

Besides poetics, what are you saying in your poem? What is your khyaal here? What's the substance?

I am trying to understand your poem. Please tell me what I missed here - my appreciation is given in the translation I made.

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#8 [url]

Aug 10 07 9:53 PM

QUOTE (Ravi Kopra @ August 08, 2007 11:46 pm)
QUOTE (Amaan @ August 08, 2007 11:11 pm)
choriye bhi yeh piyaar ki batain
rasme-wafa dost yaar ki batain

yaha nahi rehta koi sada kisi ka
kyon karte ho ikhtiyaar ki batain

beetaygi umar na mileygi manzil
sooch le jitni bhi diyaar ki batain

khookli duniya ruswaayi se bhari
na dhoond ismei mayaar ki batain

hote hain mast nazaroon se ghayal
naa karna kisi se hatyaar ki batain

kab tuk wafa ka bharam bharayga
nahi sunta koi dukhyaar ki batain

taajub hoga tujh per Amaan ko gar
ab bhi kare tu visl-e-yaar ki batain

don't talk of love
no one is faithful
trust no one
never will you
get what you want

the world is all worhtless, all hot gas
where will you find love here?
no one listens to sorrows here
I'll be surprised if you still
look for love here.



is this what you are trying to tell in your poem, Amaan?

thanks Ravi ji, and you understood very well that what im tryin to say in this poetry

Sometimes I cut myself to see how much I bleed and how much it hurts!!!!

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#9 [url]

Aug 10 07 9:55 PM

QUOTE (sakhi1909 @ August 09, 2007 12:51 am)
amaan ji
bahut khub likha hai har sher

daad kubul kare

sakhi

shukariya Sakhi ji

Sometimes I cut myself to see how much I bleed and how much it hurts!!!!

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#10 [url]

Aug 10 07 9:58 PM

BAHUT KHUB

AHSAS KO BAHUT HI ACHA LIKHA

DAAD HAZIR HE

SHAKUN PANCHHI LAYE AAS
SHUKOON KA LAYE AHSAS

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#11 [url]

Aug 10 07 10:41 PM

QUOTE (masoomshayer @ August 09, 2007 12:34 pm)
aman bahut khoob lage khayal bahuta achha laga parh ke
Anil

shukariya Anil ji

Sometimes I cut myself to see how much I bleed and how much it hurts!!!!

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#12 [url]

Aug 11 07 1:56 PM

QUOTE (mahak @ August 10, 2007 03:26 pm)
wowwwww wowwwwwwww wowwwwwwwww Amaan byahdh impressive likha hay tomnay

God bless

shukaryia Mahak ji

Sometimes I cut myself to see how much I bleed and how much it hurts!!!!

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#13 [url]

Aug 12 07 2:39 AM

QUOTE (shakun @ August 10, 2007 09:58 pm)
BAHUT KHUB

AHSAS KO BAHUT HI ACHA LIKHA

DAAD HAZIR HE

shukariya Shakun ji

Sometimes I cut myself to see how much I bleed and how much it hurts!!!!

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#14 [url]

Aug 13 07 11:22 AM

choriye bhi yeh piyaar ki batain
rasme-wafa dost yaar ki batain

hmm chorna hi behtar hai

yaha nahi rehta koi sada kisi ka
kyon karte ho ikhtiyaar ki batain


hmm sach yahi hai

beetaygi umar na mileygi manzil
sooch le jitni bhi diyaar ki batain

bilkul sach

khookli duniya ruswaayi se bhari
na dhoond ismei mayaar ki batain

hmm shayad sirf dukh mile

hote hain mast nazaroon se ghayal
naa karna kisi se hatyaar ki batain

kab tuk wafa ka bharam bharayga
nahi sunta koi dukhyaar ki batain

bilkul sach hanso ki saath kuch log to honge ronge wale ke saath bhala koun chala hai

taajub hoga tujh per Amaan ko gar
ab bhi kare tu visl-e-yaar ki batain

ek bhaut hi sachhi duniya dikhati gazal aajkal aap bhaut alag likh rahe hain amaan aur aapki gazal jaise zindgi ka aaiina ban gayi ho

user posted image

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#16 [url]

Aug 13 07 12:52 PM

amaan bhai namaskar
bhut aachaa likha hai amaan bhai
aise hi likhtey rahe bhut ache khayal ko
bade umdaa tareekey se pesh kiyaa hai

keep writing and keep smiling

sagar

user posted image
उसका क्या कुसूर था जो उसको ये सज़ा दी
किया जिसने मुझ पर ख़ुद से ज़्यादा भरोसा
बता ए संग दिल क्यों मैने उसको दगा दी

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#17 [url]

Aug 14 07 2:41 AM

QUOTE (Shrddha @ August 13, 2007 11:22 am)
choriye bhi yeh piyaar ki batain
rasme-wafa dost yaar ki batain

hmm chorna hi behtar hai

yaha nahi rehta koi sada kisi ka
kyon karte ho ikhtiyaar ki batain


hmm sach yahi hai

beetaygi umar na mileygi manzil
sooch le jitni bhi diyaar ki batain

bilkul sach

khookli duniya ruswaayi se bhari
na dhoond ismei mayaar ki batain

hmm shayad sirf dukh mile

hote hain mast nazaroon se ghayal
naa karna kisi se hatyaar ki batain

kab tuk wafa ka bharam bharayga
nahi sunta koi dukhyaar ki batain

bilkul sach hanso ki saath kuch log to honge ronge wale ke saath bhala koun chala hai

taajub hoga tujh per Amaan ko gar
ab bhi kare tu visl-e-yaar ki batain

ek bhaut hi sachhi duniya dikhati gazal aajkal aap bhaut alag likh rahe hain amaan aur aapki gazal jaise zindgi ka aaiina ban gayi ho

shukariya Shilpa ji

Sometimes I cut myself to see how much I bleed and how much it hurts!!!!

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#18 [url]

Aug 14 07 2:42 AM

QUOTE (lafz.agra @ August 13, 2007 12:18 pm)
"hote hain mast nazaroon se ghayal
naa karna kisi se hatyaar ki batain/"

aapne to apni kalam se ghayl kar diya amaan ji

shukariya janaab

Sometimes I cut myself to see how much I bleed and how much it hurts!!!!

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#20 [url]

Aug 14 07 2:57 PM

QUOTE (sirftum @ August 13, 2007 12:52 pm)
amaan bhai namaskar
bhut aachaa likha hai amaan bhai
aise hi likhtey rahe bhut ache khayal ko
bade umdaa tareekey se pesh kiyaa hai

keep writing and keep smiling

sagar

shukariya Sagar ji

Sometimes I cut myself to see how much I bleed and how much it hurts!!!!

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