#1 [url]

May 14 07 1:42 PM

QUOTE (ghayal_shayar @ May 14, 2007 01:10 pm)
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Is zamaane ko zaraa haNs-haNs ke rulaa looN,
LamhoN ki saakh se kuch yaadeN churaa looN
Lucky miyaa!!matle ke dono misro mein tukbandii ke sivaa koii rabt najr nahii aa rahaa!! tumse guzarish hai ki mujhe is se mukhatib kara do smile.gif!!

hmmmmmmm, janaab, matle me rabt hona behtar maana, jaata hai, par shayad ye ek compulsory condition nhai hai, jahaaN tak mera khayaal hai, aur kayi kaafi ahchi ghazaloN me matle me rabt nahi rehta...!
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E azal chand pal ruk,jo kuch apnoN ki duaa looN,
Do pal ki jist ata* kar,to gum-e-ashiqui bhulaa looN…
alfaaz jist nahi .. zeest or chhote rukn mein kabhi kabhi zist kahte hai!! sher aur bhii sundar ban saktaa hai ..thodaa gaur kiyaa jaaye to!!

haaN bhai yahaaN to galti hui hai, wo hota hai na J aur Z ki problem ho jaati hai kabhi kabhi...!
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Jo dekh na paauN uski tadap,to kaise apni bataa looN,
Uske palkoN se kaise main apne ye ashq bahaa looN!!
jahaa tak meri graamer ke gho.De dau.Dte hai... "bataa" alfaaz ke saath "denaa" shabd ju.Dtaa hai ... "bataa lenaa" mein padhaa bhii nahii .. sunaa bhii nahi... is thodaa confirm kar lenaa!!!


grammer me dooN ka prayog kiya jaata hai, par urgency ke liye looN ke prayog pe v pratibandh nai hai, aur rahi baat padya ki, to usme gramatical looseness v hoti hai, aur ye gala nahi maana jaayega...!
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Meri mohabbat hi unki bewafaai ka sabab ban gayi,
Koi bataaye ab aur maiN kya ulfat ka mazaa looN
dono misro mein rabt nahii baith paa raha... alfaaz saath nahii de rahe!!


janaab aise savaal ki umeed maine aapse kabhi nahi kari thi, ki in misroN me rabt nahi, kyuNki pehle misre me kaha gaya hai ki meri mohabbat hi unke liye uzr-e-jafaa ya bewafaai ka kaaran ban gayi, to koi bataaye ab isse v jyada maiN ishq ka kya mazaa looN...! ab isme rabt na hona mujhe samajh nahi aaya janaab, ya shayad maiN hi alfaazoN me ehsash bayaaN nahi kar paaya...!
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Kabhi laut v aayeN wo to meri haalat ka ilm na ho,
To jaane se pehle, apna naam-o-nishaaN mitaa looN
ye sher bahut khoob lagaa... par yahaa bhii wahii baat hai .."mitaa " alfaaz ke saath "denaa" yaa "doo.n" to maine sunaa hai ... "lenaa" or "loo" nahi sunaa!!
khayal bahut hi sundar hai!!

yahaaN v wahi baat hai looN urgency ke liye aaya hai, ki aisa kar looN jaane se pehle, aur pehle waali baat yahaaN v laagu hoti hai...!
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Tere saath v jayega“ghayal”eh farishte,par intezar kar,
Pehle zamaane ko zaraa andaaz-e-aashiqui sikhaa looN
nice!!!
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janaab maine aapki baateN padhi aur behad khushi hui ki kisi ne itni gaur se padha ise, aur maafi maaNgne ki to koi baat hi nahi rehti yahaaN, bas aage v aap yuNhi padhne ki jehmateN uthate raheN...!

aadaab Lucky miyaa!!
aapke jawaabo ko dekhaa to behad khushi huii ..ki aapne mere zahan se nikle kuchh sawaalo ko kuchh arth diyaa!!

kuchh ek baat kahnaa chahungaa.....
pdhya me.n ya shayri me.n jo looseness ki baat kahii jaati hai .. wo connectors men ho saktii hai ..n tht is acceptable... par kisi ek shabd ka prayog dusre shabd ke saath galat ho , ye swikar nahii karti grammer... haalaa.nki mujhe se bhii kayi baar ye mistakes huii hai .. par dheere dheere hi sahii..... aur ek baat aur miyaa... urgence mein shayri sirf post karne ke liye ki jaatii hai .... tum ek ache shayar ho ... aur ache shayar ki nishani hai ki kabhii jaldbaazi mein kisi achi tehreer ko bigaadtaa nahii!!!

dusrii baat jo rabt ki maine kahii... yakinan zaruri nahii... agar kalaam ka husn badhaanaa chaahe to istemaal kare... aur kai baar to aisaa hotaa hai ki rabt itnaa baarik hotaa hai ki ham samajhte hai ki hai hi nahii... bagair gahraayi mein jaaye... gahre rabt kahnaa bade shayro ki nishani hai... hamare tumhare bas ki baat hi nahiii .. so jaane diya ja skataa hai!!

Meri mohabbat hi unki bewafaai ka sabab ban gayi,
Koi bataaye ab aur maiN kya ulfat ka mazaa looN!!

muaaf karnaa dost ... aapke sher ko main samajh chuka hu .. maine arth nahii balki dono misro ka rabt jan na chaha thaa... jise banane ki koshish to tumne kii... par alfaaz saath nahii diye......jab aapki mohabbat mehboob ke liye bewafaayi ka sabab hai to aap ko kis tarah ka lutf.... lutf-o-andaaz ka sabab wafaa hai .. sanam ki bewafaayi nahii!!! aur yahaa maine sher mein kisi alankar ka prayog hote hue bhi nahii dekhaa. jo tumhari bebasi ko aur ranj ko lutf ke saath bayaan karne mein tumhara saath detaa ho...!!!!

khair ye sirf mere khayal hai !! ho saktaa hai ki main galat sa.Dak pe hu... to iltaja hai ki ... raah ke sango-khaar pe nazr rakhe...agar zyaadaa hai to meraa bhi haath khinch lijiyegaa!!!

dua go!!!
dheer!!